Dear God, It's Me, Dog


Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog.

1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it! up.
   
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
   
3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.
   
4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.
   
5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
   
6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
   
7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello".
   
8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.
   
9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.
   
10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
    
11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.
    
12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?